You work out of a Hotel?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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