I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
