new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
