i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
