well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
