My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hippo gnu deer
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
