I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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