Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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