I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
