I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
