So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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