i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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