all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
