you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
