every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
