I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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