he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
