Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
