i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
