I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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