At least make sure they are 18
Why
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
