I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Jerry, you need to find god
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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