you traded sex for a burrito?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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