She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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