and next time when you feel me up, do it right
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
