Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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