I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
