Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
