So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
