i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
