Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
should my penis look like a turkey
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
