im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
