Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
