we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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