HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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