so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
