if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
