I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Boobs speak an international language.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
