everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
