i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
