Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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