She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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