i think my tv is drunk
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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