I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dick very happy bro
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
