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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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