Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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