My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
