Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
