At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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