we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
