well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
