Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
