why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
